Though I am selfish

I keep getting that stupid time of the month that shows up when God says, “Wait.”  I feel like a little kid in a store… when the mom and dad say something like that and the kid gets all upset and his face turns red and then there are tears.  Oh, the tears.  Falling, like a waterfall of selfishness.  And the only thing I can do to make it all better, to dry the tears, in all my human-ness, is to reach up to God to comfort me and tell me it’s okay. Everything will be okay. I think God is trying to tell me to love Him more than I want kids.  Maybe that’s what He’s waiting on, who knows, but right now, the children are outweighing Him in my want department.  It’s really hard to admit, but absolutely true.  Painfully true.  Embarassingly true.  *ghasp! Can you believe it?  Me neither, but I know something that will help.   Prayers… …for my desire for God to grow into an all-consuming, gut-wrenching, drop-everything, can’t-live-another-minute-without-it desire and for my desire to have children to be a healthy desire and in perspective with God’s plans for my life.  It’s a tough prayer, but one I’m teaching myself to pray every day when I feel my selfish tears wanting to spill out all over my face and down my chin.  

Desire. Desire. Desire. Desire. Want. Want. Want. Want. We humans are so utterly wrapped up in ourselves.

Make me… Take me… Break me… I am pierced
Make me… Take me… Break me… I am pierced

Though I am wounded — and unworthy
Though I am selfish — and untrue
You are holy,
You’re the healer,
You forgave me — and made me new
You made me new

Make me… Take me… Break me… I am pierced
Make me… Take me… Break me… I am pierced

Oh this love how can it be
That my God would die for me
For my sins His wounds did bleed
Jesus you were pierced for me

Make me (Make me Lord Jesus)…
Take me (Take me Lord Jesus)…
Break me (Break me Lord Jesus)…
I am pierced

Make me (Make me Lord Jesus)…
Take me (Take me Lord Jesus)…
Break me (Break me Lord Jesus)…
I am pierced

Make me (Make me Lord Jesus)…
Take me (Take me Lord Jesus)…
Break me (Break me Lord Jesus)…
I am pierced

Make me (Make me Lord Jesus)…
Take me (Take me Lord Jesus)…
Break me (Break me Lord Jesus)…
I am pierced — I am pierced

Audio Adrenaline, Pierced