davejenbarnes

I am finally beginning to accept this pregnancy.  For awhile now, I have not wanted this baby and I know that sounds awful and unloving and selfish and very very bad, but it’s the truth.  I think it’s easier to be happy about being pregnant when you are actually trying to have another baby, not trying not to… or when you’re wealthy enough to afford having one and haven’t just paid every penny over in closing costs… or when you have insurance to pay for the big sterile evil drug pushing hospitals and a surgeon for your prenatal care (which sounds really stupid to me nowadays but more on that later maybe)… or if you’re one of those women unaffected by morning sickness (all-day sickness, really)…  Needless to say, this kid had a lot going against it from the very beginning.

God obviously thinks it is the right time, so here we are in the midst of packing/moving/cleaning/painting again and pregnant, yes, again.  I was pregnant when we moved in, and pregnant when we move out.  I bet moving and not being pregnant is much less stressful than moving has become to us lately.

I called the birthing center yesterday and am waiting for a midwife to call me back regarding when to make our first appointment.  They like to start the appointments at ten weeks, but no one will be able to truly figure out how far along I am until closer to the middle of this pregnancy since I won’t have any ultrasounds done until the mid-point. (Fundal heights in centimeters is about the same number of weeks until around 37 or so weeks along when the baby drops, but you have to be able to actually measure the uterus from the outside to get that measurement.  My uterus was flipped toward my spine after it contracted after Lowell was born, so it will take longer to “show” and be able to measure this time around.)  Calling someone and actually trying to set up an appointment felt really really good.  We’re also going to save around $1,000 by not making the mistake of going to see an obgyn for the first appointment.

I would absolutely love to have this baby at home.  Our house, though, is pretty far away from a hospital.  The Austin Area Birthing Center, however, is very close to a hospital.  In the worst case imaginable, it would be better to be closer to the hospital but still be surrounded by the environment of “home.”  AABC’s birthing rooms and kitchen are very much like being in a home, and in a way it’s almost nicer because there is a waiting room that I do not have in my home, and the mess stays there.  And they have big spa tubs and a huge multi-person shower so I could labor in there and still have a midwive with me if I wanted to.

To have a successful birth, I believe you have to surround yourself with the best possible enviornment for success.  I am defining success as, basically, getting what you want out of the experience.  For me, this means if I want to have an intervention-free, chemical-free, natural, vaginal birth, I am not going to go to an obgyn (who, really, honestly, is NOT trained in normal births, but a trained surgeon, trained to deliver) in a hospital.  That, to me, is like going to sushi bar and trying to get a Happy Meal.  It’s simply not on their menu.

I will be sharing small quotes from the books I am re-reading throughout this pregnancy.  I started reading them in December last time (Lowell was born in February) so I did not have a lot of time to absorb everything.  With this one, I am already reading the material again, soaking up every word.

This first quote comes from a birth story in the beginning of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth from pages 56-57.

[Referencing the feeling of power that comes with natural childbirth]… “How many women will never feel that power?  Maybe the true price of an unnecessary cesarean is not the scar or disappointment or pain of recovery.  Maybe it is the loss of that empowerment.”

This stood out to me because this particular woman had just had an eleven pound baby with no interventions, drugs, or doctors after her first two over-ten-pound babies were both unecessary c-section deliveries.  She had been told time and time again that she wasn’t built to birth babies, even small ones, and she was desperate to prove that she, indeed, was capable.  This inspires me.  With God, all things are possible.  He designed my body and designed it to be capable and strong.  I am going to surround myself with the best support I can get and I am confident that this birth will be amazing.

Here are the boys with Santa.  I had to save this because James was simply terrified and someday he might get a laugh at it.  I didn’t want to terrorize him, but I did enjoy the big hugs I got after taking him off of Santa’s lap!

As you can probably tell, I haven’t had a break from the morning sickness yet. Thinking about paint makes the queasiness even worse. That new house smells funny (like too much air freshner and fresh paint all mixed together) and I dread the thought of going over there, just for the smell. Being freshly pregnant means that odors are sickening, and that house smell is one that makes me want to throw up.

So, these are a little slow in coming. The 4th bedroom is pink. The 2nd and 3rd bedrooms are blue. The master bedroom is green-brown, the bathrooms are a lighter green (though it looks totally dark in the 2nd bathroom where there is no natural light), the kitchen will be dark brown, and the living area is a medium-dark brown, or will be whenever it gets painted.

We’re going over 1 night per week and I am about to tell David that 1 or 2 nights per week is not cutting it. I don’t think I should be the one over there since I’m the pregnant one.

In other news, Lowell is down to just one nursing per day, at naptime, and I don’t know how much longer I will nurse him at naptime. It doesn’t hurt like it did with James when I was pregnant with Lowell… it’s just that I’m not eating and I kinda need to be consuming calories to make milk. I don’t think I’m making much milk these days.

Still no prenatal appointments. I’ll be applying for CHIP for the boys since we fall into the “eligible” salary range for state assistance with health insurance for the boys. If we got approved, we could more easily afford the house payments that we’ll be starting in June.

Due to a payment snafu, our website was down for a week.  But we’ve been busy…

Oops, we did it again!  #3 is due in December!

I’ll be back later with house updates, as soon as I’m over this wave of queasiness.

I’ve changed my preference from green for the living room to a lighter brown (than the kitchen) because I photoshopped in some maroon curtains (the color of curtains I have that will be going up) and the green and maroon just did not look good together. I’ll move the green paint into the master bedroom. I still haven’t picked the shades in real life, but it sure is nice to play around with in photoshop.

…but it’s ours. Actually, David and my dad put in hours of work pulling weeds out (by the roots) — WEEDS, I mean, 3 or 4 foot tall weeds — and then David mowed with our new mower. It looks like an ordinary weedy yard, but it’s ours.

We opted to do yard work and repair the fence outside today because the electricity and water won’t be on until sometime on Monday. Working inside kinda requires plumbing and it would be nice to have power on as well.

(About the title… I know that’s not proper grammar.)

You would whine too if it happened to you… Well, maybe not.

As a disclaimer, I am not writing this for the Barnes family who read this blog as an update into the house buying process. I am writing this to vent. I am venting because if I don’t, I think my head will explode.

Buying a VA foreclosure sucks rocks. It sucks BIG TIME. Don’t ever do it. Buy a HUD foreclosure instead, buy a short sale, buy a pre-foreclosure but for goodness sake, spare yourself the stress and avoid a VA foreclosure at all costs. Because otherwise it will cost you more than a very nice used car just to close on the stinking thing… I know people think we are getting screwed on the loan, I know people think we are getting taken advantage of, I know people think there are better ways of doing what we are trying to do and better ways to save a “couple thousand” but I have my parents involved and I trust my dad’s opinion and don’t think he would hide from me if he thought we were being taken advantage of or if he thought there would be a better way, a better loan, a better Realtor, whatever. My dad has been in contact with both our Broker and Realtor and he, like us, is okay with the situation we’re in. It just sucks, but there is no way around it. VA foreclosures apparently have completely, totally, bass-ackwards rules and stipulations that do not follow anyone’s definition of logical proceedings.

With all that said, we will close on Tuesday at the earliest and Thursday at the latest, depending on when some guy named Christopher can bring the papers down for us to sign. I’m confused about this part because the seller’s agent is a man named Christopher Beckett but apparently he is a different Christopher than the Lender’s Agent named Christopher who has no known last name, at least, not known by us at this point. Christopher Beckett works in South Austin… Christopher ___? works in Dallas. Somehow, I don’t know which one we have to make the appointment with or which one will get the courier fee in our closing costs but if it is the Christopher that works in South Austin, you better bet your buttons I will refuse to pay that fee. Flat out refuse.

Anyhow, I guess part of being completely honest with people when they ask how things are going means dealing with an onslaught of advice. I appreciate all of it because it means they love us but there is nothing I will do to change what is happening. I just feel like complaining about it, not necessarily doing anything about it. I’m lazy. I get lazy when I get stressed out.

On top of the house thing (which I only barely scratched the surface there), David’s a Band director which means UIL competition. There are 3 bands at his school and each band performed/competed on a different day (or night, as is the case today)… makes for very stressful week for him — his band got twos on stage and one-one-two in sightreading — and long days for me. When you take the contest week and you add it to the week before closing on this house and everybody needing signatures on this paper and can you call us back ASAP and oh, by the way, PMS is here!!, well, I can just start to fall apart. I am going to have a big pity party with my box of Puffs® this weekend.

After my pity party, I plan on going to church, refocusing myself for another rough week, then signing my life away sometime between Tuesday morning and Thursday afternoon. We should get the keys on the 11th or 14th and, God Bless them, my parents are hiring a cleaning lady to clean the dirty new house for us so we can start doing what needs to be done without cleaning some other peoples’ pubic hairs off the bathroom floor first.

First off, we’ll need to get a fridge. I don’t know how this will happen but it’s pretty necessary as you can’t live long without a cold one. Afterall, a One that is not cold is scarcely a One at all. This can happen anytime before we move in, but preferably before we start painting since I know it would be nice to have a fridge around for taking a break and keeping some snacks cool and the cold ones cold, even if all the cold ones are is cold Dr Peppers. Secondly, we’ll need primer and paint. All 4 bedrooms, at the very minimum, must be sealed and painted before I will allow my kids to spend longer than a few hours there. After that, it becomes eh-not-so-important. Oh, besides the one drawer that needs to be rebuilt and the air filter that needs to be changed out.

I know we’ll be okay. I know I will be okay. I am just so tired of phone calls and emails and loan jargon and stressing out. I have had it with the stressing out. Just gimme the keys already.

Okay, I’m done. And if you’re wondering, yes, I do feel better, thankyouverymuch.